Learning to Love Yourself: Find your cheerleading team

One of my favorite pastimes is hanging out at Barnes & Noble, drinking my favorite beverage and thumbing through books and magazines with the best kind of company — great friends.  On Saturday, My friend and I went to Barnes & Noble.  We grabbed our usual beverage of choice and picked up some reading material.  we also discussed fashion, our respective business ventures, our vision, and more.


I’m not quite sure what sparked the conversation, but we started a discussion about self-love and authenticity.  It didn’t take long for us to take a walk down memory lane to our younger selves.  Reflected on our similar stories of lacking confidence in some of the most simple decisions.

We laughed and joked, thinking how differently things would have been if the younger version of ourselves had the same level of confidence that we have today.  We came to a conclusion:  we’d be one heck of a force.

Although we joked about being a force to be reckoned with, we understand that conceit and narcissism is not the definition of self-love.  Actually those things are the opposite of self-love and can be very destructive to relationships.

Self-love requires healthy relationships, which are built on unconditional love and trust.  It is built on mutual respect.  I once thought self-sacrifice meant that if I did more than required, someday I would receive love in return.  However, this expectation is unrealistic.  The letdown can be devastating.

There were many times that I consistently put the needs of others before my own.  Please know the beauty in loving your neighbor; however, when it become a people-pleasing behavior, we must take a closer look.  Eventually, this habit became an expectation.

Soon, I noticed that many of the “friends” in my circle were takers.  They had invaded my life.  I had people who were unable or unwilling to celebrate when good things happened in my life.  If the scenarios were flipped, it was a demand to bring out the cannons, balloons and banners when this particular group of people needed a cheerleader.  I had to critically examine my relationships.


Haute Grey Foxes Suggestion:  Are you everyone’s cheerleader?  I was trying to be, but I soon felt drained as I wondered what it would feel like  to receive the same level of support.  Begin to watch behaviors and be open to the truth.  Eventually, your real cheerleaders will be revealed.  Knowing this is one thing; accepting the truth will be difficult.


  1. This is so insightful and true! Great comments! I too am in my 50’s and I’m not sure if it’s my age, but one thing I love is that I feel I have a little more clarity or wisdom and I’m more willing to move on from these types of relationships and focus on positive and inspiring relationships. Or, as you put it, cheerleaders! There are many genuine people people. We just have to be open to them, as you said. Thanks! Alexis

    • hautegreyfox says:

      Alexis, I wholeheartedly agree and love your comment about clarity, wisdom and focusing on positive and inspiring relationships. I feel blessed to have beautiful cheerleaders in my life! So glad you enjoyed this post.

  2. I have been there also, but the one thing I learned is genuine people will show up when you can see them! Often it takes life lessons to finally say to some takers “Not Today”. Love your blog post it was right on time!

    • hautegreyfox says:

      So true Cynthia! So glad you enjoyed this post. May I borrow this? “Not Today” takers…. love this!

  3. Love this gingham dress, the color is great on you!
    Yes, true friends are a pleasure and the energize a soul, rather than deplete it. I find I appreciate my friends more and more as life goes on!
    xx, Elle

  4. I love this post as it is right on time for what I am writing for my new blog and upcoming video. It’s so great to be a cheerleader, but as you so eloquently put it, we need them as much, and sometimes more, than they need us at times. I turned 50 in December and as I reflected on my life I realized that I learned this lesson sooner than most, but it took a lot out of me. I pray that those who have not yet gotten to this place in life get their much sooner than I did as the toll it can is oftentimes harder than we ever imagined. Thank you for such an insightful, powerful post.

    Oh, I love your dress…where did you find it, if you don’t mind sharing?

    Be blessed 🙂

    • hautegreyfox says:

      Thanks for your comments…I am happy to hear that you enjoyed this post. I purchased my dress from J.Crew. Pictures really do not adequately capture the true beauty of this dress. Blessings. HGF

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